practice makes perfect?

i have to be one of the least artsy people i know. maybe THE least. i have always joked about how i cannot even draw stick figures, much less fill an entire canvas with something beautiful. i've always admired people who could.

other people i envy are people who take insightful and magical photos: you know the ones--half of you or more ARE these people. i go to other people's blogs, and they manage to make an almost eaten cupcake look exquisite. it's mind blowing i tell you!

i was originally inspired to start taking photos in 2000 when we met tim bisagno at our church in houston. we are lucky enough to have just one of his photos hanging in our house--above our bed as a matter of fact. i just did a quick google search and turned up nothing that might lead you to his almost mystical photos to prove my point, so you will just have to trust me.

so i started trying to mimic what he did, taking pictures of the same types of things he did--statues in a new orleans cemetery, architecture on the riverwalk in san antonio. they never turned out anything like his, but i was still proud of them.

now that i have a digital camera, i can edit so much easier. that is, i can delete most of what i take, since they almost always look like crap. :) and also i have discovered this handy little button called "auto correct," which instantly improves the lighting and contrast. it's amazing!

still, though, sometimes when i'm not trying at all, i find the most insightful things in the photos i take. the photo above was taken this afternoon, and mostly because i loved the colors of the trike. i didn't crop this--i took it up this close. there was something about the wheels that drew me in. well, when i was going through photos just now to figure out what to post at the top here, i noticed something: the trike sits between sand in the background (yes, our yard is mostly sand--it's gross really) and green grass in the foreground. isn't that incredible? i didn't even see this when i was taking the picture. and i think it represents so much about me at the moment.

for instance, maybe the practice of taking photos, getting my brain thinking in those terms (those ARTSY terms...) inspires and changes me, makes me better at the act of snapping photos.

and this transfers to other areas of my life as well. this post was originally going to be about how, just this evening, grace came up and walloped me alongside the head. i refuse to take the gift: someone is offering it to me, saying "it's ok, i forgive you, don't worry about it," when this person really should be saying, "enough is enough. i can't wait any longer. pay up now. right now." (i have mentioned that my spouse is between jobs and we are having trouble making ends meet, and someone is extending huge, unfathomable heaps of grace on our heads in the midst of it.)

so i am going to practice just trying to accept this person's grace. i keep wanting to know why, why he wants to be so kind. there must be a reason. but i keep coming up empty-handed. so for now, i'll just practice bathing in this gift i've been given. saying thank you. practicing thinking that i am on the line between sand (the desert!) behind me and green grass ahead.