elusive

whooosh.

did you hear that? whooosh. there it is again. that sound--what is that?

oh yeah, it's the sound of time whizzing by. i feel like every week just flies by. i have heard older people talk about how fast time goes the older they get. at this rate, when i'm 60 i will blink and be 80. wow, that's scary.

i want to take time to savor the little moments in life. right now, my camera is full of said moments, like snapshots from little league games, pictures of rockets and my precious little people inside the rockets at NASA, glimpses of aedan blowing out candles on his birthday cupcake (which, yes was almost a month ago now).

somehow, i have gotten bogged down in the daily grind, too busy to document these little details. and i fear at times that this space might end up being a diary where i yawningly document "here's what i did today; here's what my kids did today." i really don't want this space to become a place for that sort of thing.

so instead of telling you all the fun (and stress) i've been having lately with our amazing florida weather--and it's been amazing indeed--i will share with you just one story, and you can fill in the rest when i finally get around to posting all the pictures.

last night i met rick at a restaurant, thanks to our generous friend joe, who paid for our dinner, along with about 20 other people speaking at a conference this weekend in st. petersburg. i love going to these things with rick because most of the time, when he has a chance to be around these folks like doug and spencer and danielle (who i finally got to meet last night! hooray!), i'm back at home, editing and parenting (probably in that order...).

i love how doug and spencer include me in the conversation, even though they don't have to. i love how warm and comforting and encouraging it feels to be in an environment like that. this is what church used to feel like for me, and i miss it.

during dinner, all the men at the table (for it was a testosterone-filled table save my friend, natasha, who was sitting at the totally opposite end of the table) started discussing the enneagram: what number each was, what it meant for his personality, what number his wife was. i have listened to rick talk about this for about a year now, and i've even looked over the sample tests. but i've never really gotten into learning all about myself like that--actually, i want to, but it's just one of those things that gets pushed to the back burner.

(side note: while i'm typing, aedan interrupts me to tell me all about how octopuses swim and detach their heads from their bodies to avoid being eaten by predators. nice.)

so back to the story. i piped up during all this enneagram discussion (which, incidentally, reminds me of enema every time i hear the word), and i said, "so what am i again?"

and rick starts telling everyone how he can't figure out if i'm a 2 or a 6, and it drives him crazy, not being able to pinpoint me like that.

and i realized that i love this about myself. often i think of myself as a really boring, really complacent, really one-dimensional person. i know, this is not healthy. maybe that's part of my enneagram. ;) but when i realize that other people can't quite figure me out--and if you know my husband, it is he who people more often than not consider to be an enigma--well, i just love that.

after dinner we traveled over to the independent, a fabulous bar in st. petersburg (with a location in seminole heights, in case any of you reading this are local), and talked and listened to our friends critter and charity talk about their new nonprofit, greater works, where they are currently helping to provide clean water to orphanages in rwanda, with plans to spread this wealth to those in india as well.

i ended up talking to my friend natasha for about an hour about labor and delivery. i know, i thought the same thing: it seems surreal to stand in the middle of a crowded bar talking (practically yelling) about episiotomies, transition, trying not to get an epidural, and pushing times. it was great. i haven't felt that alive in a while, despite my rising agitation at the noise level and crowdedness of the place. i have determined, by the way, that i don't really care what personality tests say: i am usually NOT an extrovert. otherwise, i think i would love being in situations like that, working the room, having these amazing conversations with everyone. instead, i love to just stick with one person (or a few at the most) and give them everything.

i also want to have something meaningful to say. i don't care much for chit-chat. that's probably why at times i'm absent here. i want to have something meaningful or creative or both to share, and when i'm feeling one-dimensional, i am completely uninspired to write anything here.

thanks to my friend elise's encouragement, though, i'll keep working at it. it's good to be missed.