Thursday, March 13, 2008

waiting


i feel like i am always waiting. waiting for the light to change. waiting to lose weight. waiting to do a budget. waiting to start remembering to implement all those environmental ideas i had a while back. waiting until my baby starts sleeping through the night. waiting for blueberry season. waiting for the pollen to go away. waiting to find the right church. waiting until i get to see my family again. waiting to get a new couch. waiting to go on a trip with just my spouse and no kids. waiting on a check to come. waiting to be a better mom. waiting to see what the future holds.

that last one--that's been the big thorn in my flesh since we drove away from boston on april 1, 2004. aedan was almost 1. gillian was 2. we were headed to tampa, scared, numb, sad, not knowing.

now we are approaching our 4-year anniversary since our arrival here in sunny florida, and i just can't believe the time has passed so quickly. mostly, though, i can't believe that we are still waiting. we have had moments where we thought we weren't waiting. we thought life was headed toward something more secure, more solidified, but then poof...we would find ourselves back at square one.

i am not a patient person. in fact, i am very impatient. having kids has stretched this in me quite a bit, but not enough to turn me into patient. friends have asked me over the last 4 years, "how do you handle just waiting, not knowing what the future holds?" i honestly don't know. i don't have an answer for that. i wonder if, when we are stuck in these waiting places, and there's no other option, we just somehow get through it?

i really hope we get through it, and soon. every time it looks like we are going to turn a corner and come out of this, we get disappointed.

we are hopeful this time, oh so hopeful.

10 comments:

amy said...

i am sad to say that i can totally relate. and i am not so patient eiher. i just cling to the fact that God never forsakes us and that ultimately he has a great plan for us (even if i can't see it).

asti said...

Me too.....I've found this book really helpful.Buddhism for Mothers: A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children by Sarah Napthali. Its really worth a look...full of wonderful tips on practicing mindfulness, being mindful in relationships, and looking after yourself. Written in a very approachable, funny and down to earth way. (I'm not a Buddhist by the way...but Am interested in a more peaceful and calm life!) asti x

Pixie said...

Wow. I can't believe it is almost 4 years. I remember playing with Gillian in the U-Haul & you giving your maternity pants to Mrs. Corcoran and Karin and everyone else there too....

Many times I think one of the best things about Kingdom Come is that everybody I love best will all be in one place.

P.S. - I love Gillian's power punch on your header thing.

kristi said...

pixie, for the longest time gillian remembered sitting with you in the front of the u-haul and "driving." i have NO recollection of giving away all my maternity pants--too bad i didn't have the foresight to keep them! ha.

Penny said...

Kristi, you have touched my heart with this post and this is what's coming out.......
Waiting...so many people in the Bible waited on the promise. Sarah and Abraham, Joseph, and David, just to name a few. The important thing to do while you're waiting is to prepare. Put out your buckets, dig your trenches, and make the dress for that special occasion. Prepare. God will be faithful. The second thing to do is keep your eye on the "promise". If you don't know what the promise is, sit down and ask God what His perfect plan (promise) is for you and your family's future and then write it down. When it seems that everything is in a holding pattern, pick up your future hope that you've written down and ponder thost things. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
You are such a treasure.
~Penny

kristi said...

Penny, thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I go through spurts where I can be more focused and then I get bogged down and think, "When are we getting out of this desert for goodness sake?" Let's hope the desert ends soon. I don't think I can go 40 years!

Anonymous said...

Kristi,

Hey. It's KC. You know, Dave's wife. (See Rick's blog.) So call us. You have the number. We're not in the ministry anymore. Coolest decision we've ever made. Congrats on the third child. You and Rick have outnumbered yourselves. That's when the real fun begins. :)

KC

Karin Hernandez said...

I've been thinking about this post since I read it yesterday. I feel heavy in my heart for you. I'm one of the question askers in your life and I am always amazed by your patience and tenacity. You have taught me a lot about keeping faith through the years. I am with you in this and can't wait to see what's next for the Bennett family.

Amelia Plum said...

I loved this post and identify with so much of what you say. You will get through this time. You have hope and faith and each other, you will get through. By the way, I love your new header, such a lovely shot of your children being carefree!

g13 said...

now that's what i call eschatology. seriously arresting stuff.