i feel like i am always waiting. waiting for the light to change. waiting to lose weight. waiting to do a budget. waiting to start remembering to implement all those environmental ideas i had a while back. waiting until my baby starts sleeping through the night. waiting for blueberry season. waiting for the pollen to go away. waiting to find the right church. waiting until i get to see my family again. waiting to get a new couch. waiting to go on a trip with just my spouse and no kids. waiting on a check to come. waiting to be a better mom. waiting to see what the future holds.
that last one--that's been the big thorn in my flesh since we drove away from boston on april 1, 2004. aedan was almost 1. gillian was 2. we were headed to tampa, scared, numb, sad, not knowing.
now we are approaching our 4-year anniversary since our arrival here in sunny florida, and i just can't believe the time has passed so quickly. mostly, though, i can't believe that we are still waiting. we have had moments where we thought we weren't waiting. we thought life was headed toward something more secure, more solidified, but then poof...we would find ourselves back at square one.
i am not a patient person. in fact, i am very impatient. having kids has stretched this in me quite a bit, but not enough to turn me into patient. friends have asked me over the last 4 years, "how do you handle just waiting, not knowing what the future holds?" i honestly don't know. i don't have an answer for that. i wonder if, when we are stuck in these waiting places, and there's no other option, we just somehow get through it?
i really hope we get through it, and soon. every time it looks like we are going to turn a corner and come out of this, we get disappointed.
we are hopeful this time, oh so hopeful.