on the go, letting go

(notice all the drool hanging down and the soaked shirt)

i realized recently that i haven't written much about rhys lately...i can't believe he is already 8 1/2 months old. we are spending lots of sleepless nights lately since he's been cutting his two top teeth. it's really been brutal for him. i don't know if his top gums are just that tough, or if his body is just working that slowly, but he's been cutting them for about 2 months now.

because of that, we've been transitioning from nursing to bottle. i just couldn't do it anymore, mostly because he was trying out his new chompers while he drank, if you know what i mean. in addition, if anything (and i mean ANYTHING) was going on during the day, he would stop nursing so he could turn his head to look--sometimes for 3 or 4 minutes at a time, while i sat exposed waiting for him to get back to the task on hand.

and with a dog and two older kids running around, i could pretty much guarantee that there was always some sort of distraction waiting for him.

so now we are down to nursing just once, in the middle of the night. i know, i know...he should be sleeping through the night. it's just that i don't want to let go of this last nursing session. (although last night i had my doubts, after about the 10th time i had gotten up with him to soothe him...) i am really not wanting to let go of any of these baby stages with him because i know he is the last baby who will be around our house until i have grandchildren (which hopefully will be a long, long, long, long time from now!!).

so i've been a little sad. and i know i should also be rejoicing that he's moving and crawling and trying to figure out how to walk, but this is bittersweet for me too. i know the more independence he gains from being able to do things on his own, the less he will NEED me. and if i'm honest, i have to admit that i like being needed. i have a daughter who is independent to a fault: she almost never *needs* a hug or consoling from me. i have a son who needs me in annoying ways (right now this is how i'm feeling...). and i have a baby who, to this point, has needed me for everything, who has just laid in my arms and gazed up at me as if i'm the best person in the world. and on my bad days, this has been my saving grace.

so now he really doesn't want to be held in that cradle position in my arms; he wants to be sitting up looking around. he wants to try to hold his own bottle (except we have glass bottles i'm trying out, which are way too heavy for him to hold). he wants to crawl everywhere instead of having me carry him.

i know i blogged about this a few months ago, but this whole letting go thing really is a process, and right now, i really don't like it. :(