tangled

i wanted to write something about how i'm feeling, but of course i wanted to put a picture with it. so when i was scrolling through my pictures for september, i had already titled one "tangled," which i thinks sums up how i'm feeling right now.

i won't share all the details here (how unlike me! ha ha), but let me just say that why is it when you want something really badly usually you don't get it? is that just me? i don't think i want things that are super selfish (ok sometimes...). usually it's things like just enough to live a decent life. i know i'm not entitled to these things, and i struggle with that a lot. of course, as americans we are taught that we ARE entitled to certain things, but that's such a false promise of hope.

so for the past few years we have been disappointed a lot. and recently things have turned a corner for sure. we have provision. we have hope. but then we had this great opportunity, and then it ended in disappointment. 

i'm sad.

i'm sure i'll get over it soon. maybe by tomorrow night, when i'll hang out with our friends here in town and be reminded how loved we are. but it's frustrating--i'm frustrated with letting myself hope, dream, only to realize that for some reason we are supposed to just remain in the status quo.

so i'm tangled. are you tangled? will i always feel this way? is this a good thing? should i be worried the day i wake up and DON'T feel tangled in some way or another?