Monday, June 8, 2009

(trying to) look up

sorry i've disappeared from here for a while. (probably just long enough for friends and family to stop reading...)

i'm trying to stay positive, but let's just say that life is kind of tough right now. it goes in waves, as i'm sure you know, and there are some definite shiny spots. but i have a tendency to just really embrace the darkness and allow myself to get swallowed up in self-pity, and that just paralyzes me. 

so you would think after 30-something years i would learn to run, run, run from this pessimism, but i just don't learn. do you have anything like that? i'm sure everyone struggles with one thing or another like this. so this is my cross to bear, so to speak. (oh, i really hate that analogy; i should go back and delete it, but i want to just get through this post and finish watching "bridget jones's diary" on tivo.)

to force myself to look up instead of down the black hole that beckons me, here are some things i can celebrate right now:

1. my kids are all healthy.
2. i have a roof over my head and a car that hasn't broken down just yet (okay, that was on the verge of looking down vs. up, but just give me some slack; i'm trying...)
3. i have lost another 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks, and i have just 10 more to go before rhys's birthday to meet my goal of being back to "normal" before he turns 2.
4. i had a great talk with my mom the other night.
5. i am growing tomatoes in pots on the porch, and the plants are gigantic and full of blossoms that hopefully will soon be bearing fruit.
6. rick will be off for a week toward the end of june to hang out with us. yay!
7. "the hangover" is the funniest movie i have EVER seen. (also one of the most vulgar, so beware if you are easily offended...)
8. my orchids have been blooming for about 4 straight months.
9. i attended a rain barrel workshop and got a certificate for a free rain barrel. of course, i have not picked it up yet, but i am excited about getting it for free.
10. we signed the kids up for swim lessons at our community pool, and for the 2 of them  it cost only $38. TOTAL.

things could be much, much worse, and in fact they have been (as documented on this very blog). so here's to looking up...

p.s. if you haven't seen "Up," you should see it too. it made me feel very melancholy, but it was visually stunning.


Amelia Plum said...

gorgeous picture, the leaves are so green. all the things you listed are great reasons for staying positive. I'm with you on often seeing the glass half empty. But look on the bright side, you're nowhere near as dark as Cormac McCarthy. I started 'The Road' yesterday and at one point there's a quote about remembering that which you want to forget and forgetting that which you want to remember. By the way, I love the Fitzherbert/Titspervert part of Bridget Jones Diary, that movie is perfect visual comfort food.

Hannah said...

WHAT?!?! 10 lbs in 3 weeks! Go Kristi! I confess to trolling your site hoping you would post, I miss you guys! We'll be up your way if you want to meet us at the park for a while, tomorrow. I've been feeling the exact same way, just not 10 pounds lighter like you, skinny girl! I read a Martha Stewart magazine today (totally atypical for me), only because it was all about painting furniture and it reminded me of you... I gotta shake the post-school let down!

Drisgal said...

Hi Kristi. I read your post, and something very deep, not often discussed (at least days) resonated with you. Sadly, not with the ability to look up, and call out the good things, but with the slightly darker place that made you decide to look at the good things.

Sometimes I wish I hadn't been so insecure and young back in the Ecclesia days. I am certain I would have *really* liked knowing you better.

Thanks for sharing. For what it's worth, your honesty from a distance...well, it instilled a bit of hope.


karin said...

Hey there. I hope even posting about looking up has helped you do just that. I have missed talking to you. Let's catch up in the next day or so when Eric's family leaves.

Wishing I could come on over and eat a tomato with you!

Brittney said...

I very much understand what you are saying here. I struggle with pessimism, too. And I see that my son has that tendency also. We are working so hard to fight it! Good job finding something to look up about. Hang in there.

sew nancy said...

great list.
it is hard to stay positive sometimes and it is good to remind ourselves what to be thankful for.
i took matty to see UP and it was his first movie theatre experience last weekend. we both loved it.