Thursday, August 27, 2009

i have to be honest...

this year's first day shot: aedan's hair looks a bit weird because he has tons of cowlicks and dad had to wet and slick it down

last year's first day shot: i swear, it looks like we didn't brush their hair at all. and we probably didn't...i wish i had a full body picture because i think gillian is at least a head taller. aedan's face has grown up a lot, hasn't it?

i really miss my kids. i know, this sounds crazy, right? i was all set for school to start. not that i was really wanting to get rid of my older 2, but more so i could get back into a routine that involved working without kids running around yelling and fighting and tearing the house apart. i have to say, i don't know how i got much work done this summer.

(any editors who read this: i promise, i still did my best work; it was just tougher to carve out the time!)

so the big day was tuesday. aedan is at the same school as gillian now: a magnet school in town that i swear feels like a private school. why every parent in tampa is NOT trying to get her kid into this school is beyond me. we both feel like our kids are getting the most fabulous education, and it's all free. all we had to do was apply (school choice).

so leading up to school starting, i was getting antsy. i shopped for supplies a month before the big day. i said it was because we were leaving town and i didn't want to rush around trying to gather everything right after getting back from our big trip. but, if i am being honest (and that is the title of this post, after all), i really was looking forward to getting them back in the classroom.

i think i was, in a small way, excited about getting some time back for myself. i know, i have a baby at home still. well, he's TWO. so he's much more demanding now than a baby. but after having 3 kids with me all summer long, mostly trapped inside because of the heat, mosquitoes, snakes, rats, racoons, and whatever else runs rampant in our neighborhood, having only one at home really seems like having no kids here at all. i guess it's all about perspective.

anyway, i think in a larger way i was looking forward to the kids being back in the classroom because, even though i am a teacher by training (a non-practicing one, thanks to those 9th graders who terrorized me when i was so young and green), i feel so ill equipped to teach my kids. i know, i know, i really could. but with all the editing work on my plate, i just feel like i don't have the energy or the creative juices to be able to figure out how to keep them busy and entertained and crafty all summer.

plus, there was all the sibling rivalry (read: outright fighting most hours of the day). i won't elaborate on that...

i felt like it would help them feel more balanced (all of us to feel more balanced) for them to be back in a classroom, around their friends, in a structured day. they seemed to be craving it, so ready to get away from the chaos that was consuming our home.

but then, the first day came, and i felt that knot in my stomach. aedan was new to the school, and just a couple weeks ago he had asked me, "mom, tell me again how do you make friends?" this, coming from the child who knew EVERYONE in his other school, as a KINDERGARTNER. really. he knew even the 5th graders. and this one, who can make friends with a fencepost, was nervous. it melted my heart.

but on the first day, he hopped right out of the car with his sister, ready to begin a new chapter in his school life. and gillian was totally in her element, being the "big" sister who knows everything her brother doesn't.

so it's a new year, and everyone seems ready for it but me...even rhys seems excited to have the entire house to himself. me, i'm not so sure yet. i will say that i have done yoga twice this week, uninterrupted, plus gotten lots of work done. so maybe this is a good thing.

but i miss them.


Mrs. H. said...

This post was so sweet. :-)

krystal said...

That's so exactly the "back to school" feeling I remember - excited about new supplies & clothes & new experiences but sad about the loss of free time and fearful of what all those new experiences might bring. All in all though, I really miss that cycle. Maybe because it just seems more natural to have a rhythm to life like that rather than the day in, day out of corporate life.

Amelia Plum said...

Your post is so validating. Sending the kids off to school with hair that might look slightly less than perfect, feeling happy to not have to watch your kids spending the tail end of summer vacation fighting. I'm not the only one who deals with this stuff, phew. Aedan really has grown a lot in the past year. I like that you put pictures up from last year and this year just for that reason. Your kids are so beautiful and Aedan's worries about meeting new friends and your comments that he knew fifth graders in his last school made me laugh out loud. Hope the day was a success. Do they have to wear uniforms at their school?