Thursday, November 19, 2009

dam you, damper

“SEEK” MONOTATION - one image, one word - Visual meditations to create space for personal reflection. Created by Spencer Burke. - Some images are available for personal use on a variety of products at*

(you have to check out the site where i am getting these photos: they are jaw-dropping and awe-inspiring.)

so i bet you didn't expect me to be posting today. you know, since i'm leaving on a jetplane later today for NYC.

but i'm sorry, i just have to vent before i go.

i have a serious load of craptasticness (this lovely word is thanks to my sister, sara, who is trying to be like stephen colbert and get the word "craptastic" into everyday lingo) putting a real damper on my NYC spirits. and aren't you lucky: i would like to unload it on you...

rhys (the baby) is sick. i took him to the doctor friday, and he had just a cold, but thank goodness the doctor gave me a scrip for antibiotics because by the time we arrived yesterday afternoon he had an infection of some sort. his cough sounds like he's literally trying to give me his lung. it's one of hardest things for me to deal with as a mom: hearing that cough and not being able to do anything to make it go away right then.

so he's snotting and coughing and oozing all over everything around my parents' house.

yeah, my parents' house. we arrived here yesterday around 4 pm, after driving to savannah the night before (tuesday) and staying in a hotel (5 people and a dog). we called ahead, just to make sure they had the pack n play we had reserved. "oh no, sorry, we gave them all out already." WHAT?! ok, we have a 2 year old who's never slept in anything else. so suddenly we were relegated to sleeping with him on the floor on a rollaway mattress. well, i was relegated, because i'm the mom and everything. i think at one point he was lying on TOP of me.

needless to say i didn't sleep that night...

and another thing: i bought this awesome sweater right before we came here. it was supposed to go with everything, just in case it was warm enough where i didn't need a jacket.

what did i leave at home? that's right: the sweater. i even went to the local target to see if i could find it and buy another one (sad, right?) but they don't have them.

oh, and guess what else? i am expecting 2 (big) invoices, neither of which has arrived, so we are headed away for the weekend with way less money than we thought we would have. not that we were going to spend a ton of money. but we don't use credit cards, so it's nice to have extra "padding" just in case.

ok, so this is all what i was thinking about today in the shower, where i do my best thinking, and at first i just wanted to scream. i felt like a pressure cooker, and my lid was going to blow any second.

my first thought was to pray about it. unfortunately, not about my attitude, but about the situations. you know, like "God, make the baby's cold go away. please let my invoices be paid by tomorrow." that kind of stuff. this is a direct result of the faith i grew up knowing. there is so much that's good about my faith background, but this--not so good. God is not a magic man, waiting in the sky to make things better for me. yet this is always my first thought when i'm in a state of panic.

ok, so then i calmed down and had a talk with myself. seriously, why am i letting these things put a damper on our trip? the first "real" trip we've had away from our kids ever. (2 trips to weddings where rick was officiating don't count, because much of our time was consumed with the weddings). my parents are awesome. my mom is so laid back about rhys being sick, and she told me this morning (even though she herself is sick and hasn't slept in days because of piled-up paperwork) not to worry, that everything would be fine. they have an amazing backyard, in which just this morning my 2 oldest children (who you know to be the ones who fight incessantly) were playing...NICELY...and even sitting together on a bench swing and singing songs together. (whattttt?????) and did i mention i have plenty of cute clothes to take, even without that (awesome) sweater? and how the weather won't be very cold, so this (transplanted) florida girl won't be freezing her bohonkus off after all? (that one is my word, which i am at least trying to circulate around in my own family)

so i am damming up those feelings of overwhelm. yes, i know that's an inappropriate use of that word. but i just felt like using it. or maybe instead of damming them up i'm letting them go.

ok, now i have a trip to get ready for! see you when i get back!


Lisa said...

I used the word bohonkus in school, some 37 years ago and got sent home. I would love to see it used more frequently. I love your insight and can definitely use it today. Thanks for the great timing and have a wonderful time in NY.

Amelia Plum said...

damn! it's reality trying to ground you from that freefalling feeling. nonetheless, i wish you a wonderful kid free vacation, your mom sounds like a gem helping you out in just the way you need so you can enjoy your trip guilt free. have a fantastic time, i'm going to spend my week bolstering the circulation of craptasticness.

Elissa said...

Oh, dahling, that sucks. It really does. Can you get a good scream or cry in? Oh wait, I'm sure you've already thought of that! Clink, clink, here's to a better next couple of days...xo

elise said...

Seriously? You have the best attitude ever. I love reading the process of you praying in the shower leading to your gratitude for what you've got. It looks like God answered your prayers after all. And you looked great when I saw you and we spent loads of money! You're an inspiration and I'm glad I metcha! xo