i think i'm in trouble...

oh how i wish i had stopped to take pictures of what happened earlier today, but i was in a rush to get out the door to make my 55-minute rounds to pick up aedan and then gillian from school.

while i was getting things cleaned up to head out, i let rhys roam around the house. big mistake! we have noticed lately that he is by far the most mischievous one in our bunch: he seems to gravitate toward trouble, and as of late his favorite activity seems to be dunking things into the toilet, including his arm and whatever's in his hand. the problem with this is (a) (the obvious one) he could drown (remember that saying about how it only takes a couple of tablespoons of water to drown? i think fox news made that up to freak out new moms); (b) i don't clean often enough to feel comfortable with him doing this; and (c) sometimes his big brother or sister goes #1 AND

 forgets to flush AND forgets to put the lid down (which is why i have a sign with reminders on the bathroom wall now).

ok, so today i remembered to put the toilet seat down before i set rhys off to roam. so first, i noticed what i thought was a piece of toilet paper sitting in the living room, until i looked down and saw that it was indeed an entire chain of toilet paper, leading like the yellow brick road all the way back to the bathroom. he thought it was hilarious when i started rolling it back up...yes, i'm hilarious--i clean up all your messes. :) 

and i'm not kidding, no less than 2 minutes later, i noticed everything in the house was super quiet. i'm not too worried about him eating things he might choke on (ok, i probably should worry about this more, but come on, it's #3, so i'm WAY more laid back than i've ever been before about these things!). but i just don't like it when i don't know where he is, and like i said, he has the tendency to gravitate toward trouble.

so i started calling him. "rhys. rhys, where are you? rhys, come see mommy. rhys. rhys, where's marley? (hoping i could lure him out with mention of the dog) rhys, please come here. rhys, we need to go get gigi and aedan."

keep in mind that all the time i was saying all these things, i was in fact NOT walking around the house looking for him. i was cleaning up all the toys all over the living room floor...

so when i finally thought enough is enough, i need to find this kid, i went to our bedroom, and something told me to look around the other side of the bed. maybe he's crouched over there trying to eat marley's bed. (don't worry, he can't choke on that.)

then i saw just the tiniest toe peeking out of the closet door, which was wide open. i looked around the closet frame, and there he stood, stock still, waiting for me to find him.

the thing i can't understand is how a 13-month-old can truly grasp the concept of hide-and-seek, but he clearly does. it frightens me to think that if he's this good at it already, and if he is taken in by the temptress of trouble, what i have to look forward to down the road...

saying you're sorry

i just sat down to eat breakfast, and when i take 5 minutes for myself to eat in between editing chapters of this (horrid) book i'm currently working on, i am ashamed to admit that i go on msn.com to look at the gossip column.

i have never really been into celebrity life at all--in fact, when i was a teenager, i thought anyone who pined over a famous person (in my day, it was guys like ralph macchio--my favorite! ha) was utterly stupid, because they could never be had. guess my realistic attitude was present very early on...

anyway, before i could get to the gossip column, i saw the headline "say you're sorry!" it's about why it might not be the best idea to make your kids apologize to each other. it's only a 2-page story, and i think it's definitely worth reading. you can find it here.

one thing i try to do (which the writer mentions in the story) is to practice apologizing when i have wronged my family members...these days, without sleep and being completely overworked, it seems like i'm contanstly apologizing. i find that my little ones are incredibly forgiving, most of the time saying "mom what are you apologizing for?" however, i, like this writer, hope that by some miracle my kids will grow up to be people who can give sincere apologies to those around them, and for me to model it seems to be the best way to do it.

anyway, read the story yourself; she has some other great ideas, plus a reference to a parenting book (if i only had the time, i would read it!).

letting go?

for some reason, i was having near-panic attacks last night. for the first time since rhys was born, he slept the entire night in his crib. until last night, he has been sleeping right next to me in a mini-size pack and play, and i have been in absolutely no hurry to move him. first of all, i think his breathing is weird. intellectually, i know that all babies' breathing is weird. a friend pointed out that since he had RSV, maybe part of my anxiety about his breathing is attributable to that.

second, i am lazy. it's much easier to get up in the middle of the night and take two steps to put a pacifier back in or nurse than to walk all the way across the house. now here is the distance between our bedroom and the nursery nook (we call it that because the crib area is in our office, to one side, and i love how cozy it is in there):

i am taking this picture from our bedroom, and the crib is just beyond those french doors. so as you can see, we do not live in a big house.

i also think i was having a hard time with this because (for those of you who knew me when i found out i was pregnant) although i did not particularly want to add any more children to our family, now that we have rhys, i find myself realizing "this will be the last time i ever do this" for every milestone we pass. it's what motivates me to nurse longer than i did with the other two; it's what makes me think about a baby book (even if i don't write in it!); it's what motivates me to stop working and hang out on the floor with rhys even though i have mountains of editing to do.

i wonder why i didn't feel this way with the first two children: i really couldn't wait to get past all the "baby" stuff and on to the "easier" stages (now i am wiser and realize the baby stuff is WAY easier!). i remember people telling me that i should cherish those first months because they pass so quickly, blah blah blah. i would just smile and nod, and inside i was rolling my eyes, going "oh please--i want some sleep! i want to stop nursing and go on a diet! i want to be able to go to the store without spit-up all over me!" i think also it has something to do with gillian and aedan being so close in age. it is really tough to juggle two babies at the same time--i don't know how people with twins do it.

and i remember also standing at the crib before rhys was born, looking at it and worrying that once he arrived i wouldn't be excited. it's true--i was so not looking forward to the whole thing. again, my selfishness. this time it was because i didn't want to go through childbirth (i wonder why!), didn't want to lose the baby weight AGAIN, didn't want to have to change diapers and constantly care for someone. i mean, we had just reached the stage where we could sleep in (sort of) on saturdays while the kids watched Dora and ate cereal on their own. it was a sweet deal!

then he arrived, and everything changed (of course). so i haven't wanted to let go of any of these stages, knowing that we definitely won't have this experience again (we have taken permanent measures to that effect, if you know what i mean!) and knowing that i let some of these moments just slip away with the first two without caring much about them.

yesterday, though, after he began rolling around on the floor, i starting thinking that maybe he shouldn't be in a bassinet anymore. already i had been noticing that when he raises his legs up they extend far above the top of the bassinet. that can't be good--i know this. so last night i put him to bed at 6:30, which is way earlier than he usually goes to sleep. he passed out, and didn't wake up until 2 a.m. to nurse. then he went right back to sleep and didn't get up until 7 a.m.! and i wish i had a picture to post here of him splayed out, with all that room in his new bed. and i knew it was where he belonged, whether i liked it or not. as i have expressed in a previous post, it's just one of those moments when you know, like it or not, they are going to keep getting bigger and bigger, and there's nothing we can do about it except relish the moments we have with them.

now i have to remember this when everyone gets home from school this afternoon and chaos ensues--relish this fighting! relish the mess that can be created in a matter of seconds! relish this tattling on each other! relish the constant need for attention (and food, and drawing paper, and new clothes because the other ones got dirty, and the answer to 10 random questions a minute...). relish it all--in the midst of it is the beauty of motherhood.

brag book

i have been terrible about writing in rhys's baby book. when i got it in the mail (after he was born...) i wrote a few things and then put it away, and it hasn't made it out again since. i have heard many parents say that after the first kid, the baby books get less and less descriptive. thank goodness i have a place on here where for now i can record these milestones.

(as an aside, during this time with rhys, my husband and i have discovered that we don't really remember much about aedan's development milestones at all. our theory is that he was born when our daughter (now 6) was only 16 months old, so we were still so busy with her and he was so incredibly laid back that those first months with him just flew by with little wonderment. this awareness makes me sad...)

since rhys is 4 1/2 years younger than aedan (our 2nd child), i probably should have taken a refresher course on all the quirks of raising a newborn. i did flip through a few articles at the doctor's office now and then, but i basically assumed that taking care of a baby was like riding a bike--you never forget how.

i will say that in some respects this is completely true. for instance, in terms of changing diapers, burping a baby, even bathing him to some extent. however, when it comes to how the heck to get them to sleep through the night, or at least learn to self-soothe, or how to "help" them learn to roll over, sit up, eat solid food--well, i feel pretty helpless. i've even had friends ask me questions (very detailed ones, mind you) and i feel completely lost with providing an answer. sometimes i am thinking, "gee i was hoping YOU would be able to tell ME what to do!" and in several instances lately, these dear friends have indeed helped me along. for them, it's their first child, so they are being very conscientious parents, like we all were on our first ones... :)

so let me get to the reason for today's posting and quit blabbing: rhys rolled over onto his tummy, and THEN...he rolled over again onto his back! i have put him in that darn activity gym thing a thousand times (you know, the one i posted a picture of marley lying in recently...), and i've tried to coax him to roll over in it, but he just refuses. so this morning i put him on a brightly colored quilt (my favorite one i own, incidentally), and let aedan play with him.

(another aside: this was both comforting [to know someone was paying attention to rhys while he played] and horribly frightening [because aedan would say things like "mom i gave him this blanket on his head to make himself a fort."] i have mentioned here before that i wonder if aedan has a love/hate relationship with rhys...)

well rhys rolled himself right off the blanket and onto the hardwood floor! i think maybe when we are actually NOT trying to make our kids do something we think they should be doing--whatever that might be, from rolling over, to learning to play the piano, to solving math problems--the pressure is off and maybe they will excel. i have no idea--remember i am the one who doesn't remember much between my second and third child. but it's definitely a theory worth exploring...seems much less stressful than the other route of worrying every minute about whether my child has achieved a milestone some other kid has already reached.

so take a look at rhys's tummy time by choice--not forced upon him by mom!

gillian's tea party gone wild

to celebrate her birthday this year, gillian had a choice: she could either go to seaworld or have a party with friends. she didn't skip a beat: "a party! i will get more presents!" that's my girl...

she chose 5 friends to invite: 3 new and 2 old (from preschool the years before). i was getting worried when by the day before the party i hadn't heard from any of the moms yet, but sure enough, 2 little girls from gillian's kindergarten class came; one was dropped off by her dad and he didn't stay "because boys aren't allowed," and the other little girl's mom stayed for the duration of the ensuing horror. in addition, two of my friends came to offer their support, as well as rick's mom (who didn't really offer support--at one point early in the party i overheard her detailing the events of her mother's and little sister's deaths 70 years ago).

i baked cupcakes from scratch that morning and set out the china so the girls could use real teacups. i had been inspired by my friend shannon's cupcakes (if you live anywhere near austin you should buy some from her). she even tracked down a cake place in town where i got the little flowers to put on top. AND i even ventured out to use food coloring, something i never take time to do. here's a picture of how they turned out.

when guests arrived, they munched on celery and carrots while i made a yummy recipe from the december issue of cooking light--sandwiches with peanut butter, honey, chocolate chips, strawberries, and bananas. i thought, "how could these NOT be loved by little girls? they are just like dessert!"

i knew the party wasn't going to go well for me, though, when i served the sandwiches and all three girls turned their noses up--of course my precious child led the way with the not-so-sensitive declaration, "mom, i do NOT like these sandwiches. i want a regular peanut butter and jelly." so then her friends of course did NOT like the sandwiches and wanted something different too.

after i served those up and they tested me on whether they were going to eat round 2 or not, i told them they couldn't have cupcakes unless they ate their lunch. is that so bitchy? i felt like it was, but then again, i wasn't wanting to be a short-order cook for the entire two hours of the party.

next, the cupcakes were served. i was so excited to see the girls tearing into these things i had really labored over. not a chance. gillian took one bite and declared, "mom, i don't like these cupcakes. the icing does NOT taste good." then of course her friends thought exactly the same thing. so i gave up and told them they could get down and go dress up some more.

the rest of the party it took all my energy just to keep it together emotionally. i was mad at gillian, but then i knew in my head that she IS only 6, but then i just felt sorry for myself because i had worked so hard for this and i wanted praise, thanks, "mom you are SO great!"

i guess the lesson is not to expect those things from your kids or you will constantly be disappointed. the truth is that she had a fabulous time dressing up, giggling with her friends, opening her presents, and eating tons of celery and carrots (who knew this would be the day my daughter decided to be healthy??). so i should be grateful. this brings me to another quandry regarding parenthood: it really involves giving away all of yourself, completely selflessness, and there's no guarantee that you are going to get anything in return. that is some serious stuff that no one tells you before you enter this wild roller coaster ride.

here are some photos that show just how much fun she had.

gillian's big day

yesterday gillian turned 6. i have heard countless people tell me over the years how they couldn't believe how fast i grew, or how the time flies when you have kids and you wonder where the years went. i usually internally roll my eyes at this, because it seems so cliche to say it. yesterday though, i found myself feeling the exact same way when i looked at gillian. she was born only 6 short years ago. she was so tiny and fragile, cried all the time (and i mean ALL), and wanted to be held constantly.

now she is on her way to becoming a very lovely, well-adjusted, and independent young woman, which is very weird for me. i was talking to rick the other day about how i don't like it that we have these babies that we immediately have to start working toward giving up--concretely and emotionally--so they can become the adults they need to be someday. if i am too codependent, too needy, that won't help my children grow into themselves.

but i don't like it. i have small moments where i think, "is having kids really worth it?" and i say this because it makes me sad to think about letting go. i don't want to let go. i see why mothers smother their children.* it's easier than doing the right thing.

so enough sad talk: yesterday gillian had a blast with various special moments sprinkled throughout the day. first thing in the morning, she had a sprinkle donut with a candle, and aedan gave her his present from the Sanrio store. (incidentally, i picked out his present because once we got to the mall he just wanted to go to the playground and said "mom, you pick it out." gotta love boys...)

then after school, she got to see what her gram and gramps (my parents) sent her for her birthday: dollhouse furniture that my sister and i played with when we were kids. it will go inside the dollhouse we ordered her that just hasn't arrived yet.

marley had to be a part of the unwrapping because my parents have dogs and he could smell them. plus i think he thinks when anything special is going on, somehow it's about HIM. here are some more close-ups of the loot--it's just as cool as i remember.

after all the unwrapping and trying to be sure aedan didn't damage anything while he was running around and in and out of the pile of furniture (which prompted us to quickly pack everything up to get it away from the tasmanian devil), we went to a paint-your-own pottery place and let the kids experience that for the first time, which was quite interesting. gillian was confused because she thought she was going to MAKE her own pottery too. what an ambitious little girl she can be at times.

i think the highlight of gillian's big day, though, came that morning when she was biting into her donut and lost her third baby tooth. so last night she wrote a letter to the tooth fairy and also made her request known that this time she would like money, not a toy. apparently the tooth fairy was listening, because she woke up at 2 a.m. to find a dollar bill under her pillow. then she woke up aedan to show him. then they both got up and woke me up, and that woke up rhys, who then decided he needed a midnight snack...all in all it was a wonderful day, and we'll celebrate again on sunday with a tea party birthday with 5 of her friends plus nana (rick's mom). i'll be sure to post pictures next week, as i'm sure they'll be great!

*my sister, the counselor, pointed out to me that this might sound like i mean literally smothering my children. no need to call DSS anytime soon--i just mean smothering in the emotional sense so they will never want to leave me... :)

RSV

In case you have kids and haven't heard of this evil virus called RSV, beware. Gillian caught what I thought was a cold with a nasty cough about a week and a half ago. She was miserable but managed to make it through the worst part just as we were coming home from vacation.

Apparently in one of her I-love-my-baby-brother-so-much-I-just-can't-keep-my-hands-off-him moments, she passed this nasty thing to Rhys (and to Aedan as well, but he's also doing fine managing the cold--just at home driving me crazy today!).

Rhys began coughing Friday night, then lost his little voice on Saturday. By Sunday he was much worse, so we took him to the doctor, who tested him for a virus called RSV, and then told us the test was positive.

I guess the germ traveled home with Gillian and then proceeded to make its rounds in the Bennett house. It's not a big deal when older kids get it, but here's what happens when little ones get it: They can't breathe, may end up in the hospital, have tons and tons of congestion that you can't get out with that little sucky thing, whatever it's called.

So many of our friends are praying for and thinking about Rhys hoping he gets better soon, so here's a quick update: We had a terrible night last night; I held him for about 2 hours and thought he was going to stop breathing more than once or twice. Finally I think we both passed out around 3 a.m., and he slept until around 9 or so. In the midst of all this, he's been nothing but good-natured and smiley. I hope that's an indicator of the type of person he will be someday when he gets older. He seems to approach most situations thus far in the same manner: just happy and relaxed (unless he has gas, that is...).

I am severely disappointed in our current pediatrician; I don't think it would have been that difficult for them to tell me about RSV in one of our early appointments with Rhys. I would have noticed the symptoms with Gillian (it starts off like a cold, only the cough comes before the runny nose or anything else), and then I could have made even greater efforts to keep her quarantined from the rest of the house.

So in case you have little ones and older ones, read up on this so you can watch out for it at home. And thanks to everyone who is waiting to hear that we are in the clear...I will post again once I know for sure he's going to be okay.

laughter

usually there is a constant argument going on in our house between the oldest two children (no not me & rick...). it doesn't matter what the topic of conversation is: dissent surrounds it. rick and i keep telling ourselves that maybe it means our kids have a great ability to think for themselves and that they won't follow the crowd easily, since they are so readily disagreeable. i think this thought at least helps us cope with the noise.

a funny thing happened, though, when rhys was born. suddenly, whenever either one of them was focused on the baby, they became a united front in keeping him happy, loving on him, caring for him, and making him laugh. something tells me this united front won't happen long...we've already had sneak peeks of them fighting each other over the affections of the baby, while he lays there, content to listen to their voices. It's probably some sort of unhealthy comfort, as he heard them yelling at each other so often in the womb.

at any rate, today gillian and i stayed home from church (i know, heathens that we are!) and rick and aedan went to church. at one point, while rhys was awake and hanging out with me, gillian came over and began making faces at him. he immediately got the hugest grin on his face, and then he proceeded to laugh, and laugh, and laugh at her! to my knowledge, this is the first time he has laughed at all. he makes excited coos and gasps every now and then, but this was a belly-busting laugh.

rhys is very drawn to gillian anyway; i told rick yesterday that i think women are just born with a mothering instinct, because gillian has a very strong one. it's really a very cool thing to see. aedan doesn't really seem to possess this same spirit, which is very evident when, for example, he tries to put his hand over rhys's mouth and then when he gets in trouble says "but i had my fingers cracked so he could breathe." (hopefully this isn't an indicator that he will end up in prison one day?)

gillian, however, just oohs and aahs over him, and rhys loves to look at her hair. it really is amazing to see, and i wish i could have captured this moment today with a video clip to show you, so you could share in the amazement.